I’m in a sort of disputation right now with the future of my career. To sum it up, I have a strong desire to start broadcasting myself on YouTube for the sake of my writing. With this, I contemplate whether I should focus on my writing rather than leading myself to believe I have any value in that field of entertainment. I wonder if there are any other writers out there with similar conflictions?
Here’s the catch. When I was young and brainlessly egotistical, I put myself up on YouTube without a second thought. I’d say what I felt like saying and do what I felt like doing, all with a camera recording. It led me nowhere and eventually became a huge insecurity. Something still makes me feel very unsure of the fact that my behavior can be uploaded via video for the world to witness.
However, as a screenwriter, I have this knack for cameras. This is for two reasons. 1.) My obsession with movies. 2.) My never-ending attempt to solidify the present. In my opinion, there is no better way to look back at one’s life more fondly than through the eye of a camera. I could write a whole memoir, but a picture speaks louder than a bunch of words scribbled together.
Earlier, I mentioned what was once my brainless ego. I remain egotistical, no doubt, and it always comes with its cons. Yet, I believe in my sophistication so strongly now that I want to make the attempt of presenting these brains in platforms beyond the page. I guess what truly worries me is the notion that people just might not care.
I have the feeling every writer feels this way about their craft at some point or another. But I wonder if any have ever felt these convictions while deciding on another craft to take up.
We live in an era where manipulating social media is key to becoming successful in whatever sort of career you choose. My strong desire comes from wanting to manipulate any piece of social media and my filmmaking impulses.
If you too have felt yourself in a similar dispute over your career, I’d love to hear about it. Better yet, I’m in a state where I need to hear if you were able to overcome it.
Photograph by 2bitz